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Monday, December 05, 2005

Day 21: Protecting Your Church

Question to Consider: What am I personally doing to protect unity in my church family right now?

These last few chapters started making me think...are my last 20 days reading this book going to be about how I participate in church? I flipped ahead, just to look at the question in the next chapter. Now I'm encouraged to continue the journey with this book. Because I don't feel right leaving you hanging for the last two chapters, I'll take this time to explain where my place is right now in the church.

A couple of months ago, I started going to a church on a regular basis. Before that, since I've been an adult, I went on and off...more off than on. Of course when I was "living in sin, shacking up, living with my boyfriend", however you want to look at it, that held me back from going any. There may have been a few occasions that I went, but none really come to mind. Now that I think back on it, even though I know I would be accepted...well depending on what church I went to...I was being rebellious, but it bothered me to go in "His House" knowing that I was being that way knowing that He would love me anyway.

Now, I'm back in church and I want to join, but I don't. I've been baptized already, but they want me to be baptized again to make sure I've been baptized by a "man of like faith". As a child, I knew what it meant and I felt probably what an adult feels when they get baptized. To be baptized again, yes, it would be too show my faith, but there's something in the back of my mind that says there is something very special about being baptized again. In my mind, it needs to be by the right person, as well as for the right reasons for me. I'm almost ready to be baptized again. As a matter of fact, if it doesn't happen sooner, I have a feeling when I'm finished with this book it will happen.

Another thing that would signify is that I would be able to be a member there. I know that I'm supposed to be there for now, but I'm not so sure I'm supposed to be a member there. For now, I'm not worried about it...I'll just keep going until I know where I'm supposed to be. Because of that, I do participate to a point. When they ask for volunteers, I don't feel like I should volunteer unless no one else does. I started to volunteer for fund-raising once because no one else was volunteering for it and since I'd chaired projects and handled the fund-raising for them, I knew I could do it. After I'd raised my hand, one of the members raised theirs, so I told them to go ahead and let them do it. It would be nice to hear a Pastor's view on this. What do you do with people that keep coming, but aren't members? :)

I thought once that I might be dragging my feet, but I've prayed about it and...I still feel like I need to wait. God is not done revealing to me the whole reason why I should get baptized again and I don't expect to know all the reasons. When it's done it will be very clear, but I feel it's not only signifying that I'm committed to the church, I think it will also signify that I'm committed to something much bigger and He wants me to understand it first. Sometimes there is something to be said for taking a leap of faith and then there are sometimes there is something to be said for answering a call knowing fully what is expected of you.


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