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Monday, October 31, 2005

Where Did My Life Go?

I'm constantly fighting a battle with myself, justifying my actions over the smallest things like whether to order pizza or cook a meal. I know which one is better for me and my family, especially since all of us could stand to lose some weight, but sometimes I end up being able to justify ordering pizza because I'm tired from working or because it will be one less thing on my to-do list for the day. It gets easier and easier to run to McDonalds and grab dinner.

Since when are we so busy that we can't take time to feed our families properly and enjoy just 30 minutes out of the day with them. I started seeing cooking dinner for my family every night as a hassle. Then I had the nerve to wonder why it's a fight to get everyone to sit down and eat and have a decent conversation like we should. I wanted to stay at home with my kids, but now it seems like I have less time than I did before. Once I rearranged my priorities back to what they should have been, I seemed to have gained more time to spend with my family.

Every little seed I planted fifteen years ago has grown and matured into full grown plants. The only problem is I haven't been very good at weeding my garden. I don't think it's just men who don't read the instruction manuals. I had one this whole time, but it doesn't help much if you don't read it and even if you do, it doesn't help if you don't follow the instructions. I'm now in the chapter that tells you how to get your garden into better shape after years of neglect.

They say it takes "will power" to break bad habits. Who told us that? I have been convinced that I can lose weight, stop smoking, make my kids behave, but it takes my own will power to do it. Well, I finally figured out after I don't know how many years that I don't have very strong will power. It's even harder to believe that I can let go of it and let God handle it. What exactly does that mean? I've found out, that if you want an answer to a question, all you have to do is ask. I've also found out, that if you keep asking questions, you're going to keep getting answers.

God has to be the one to give us the strength to stand up even to ourselves so that we will make ourselves do what is right. When you let God back into your life and quit worrying about everything else around you, He makes everything fall into place like it's suppose to. When I let go and told God that I guess He was going to have to raise my kids because I was letting go because "I couldn't do it". It's amazing how your kids will react when God tells you what to say to them and puts a little "umph" in your voice to let them know He means business.

Mat 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

Psa 8:2 Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

I didn't see a problem with putting a television in my children's rooms. I AM NOT saying that the television is the devil's tool....just wanted to make that clear. We have been deceived by society into "what is the norm" for kids today. It kept them busy, I could watch what I wanted to watch without listening to them complain, I didn't have to listen to them argue over which station to watch and the list goes on. It's like a light bulb came on when my own child said, "I don't see what's wrong with this show, my sister is the one who acts like the people on the shows she watches, not me". Of course, how can it mysteriously be a side effect that only her sister suffers from.

Since I've been getting closer to God, I've found out that even tho they weren't trying to get closer to God, God has gotten closer to my family. If you will quit listening to yourself tell yourself what to do and listen to God, you won't have near as many problems. I have felt the need up until now, to explain why I make the rules I do for my girls. Of course, up until tonight, it's always been important to me for my girls to think I'm a good mother. Was I crazy??? "Talk to your kids", yes, that's a good thing for society to be telling us, but how did kids graduate all the way up to slamming doors and us being afraid to piss them off? Yikes. I know there have to be a whole lot of people out there, my age, that are raising their kids by giving them everything they couldn't have that they wanted as a child.

It is important to tell them why, (not just because you said so), at a certain age I think, because they need to know why so they won't make our same mistakes with raising their children. When you don't have a clear understanding yourself, that's where God comes in. It's so amazing how he makes things clear even when you step out in faith and do what he tells you to do without knowing yourself the reasons behind it all. For some reason, one verse I read keeps sticking out in my head and it's a tough one for me because it's something I've done all my life.

Mar 13:11 But when they shall lead [you], and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.

Premeditation of what I'm going to say. There's a lot I could say on that. I'm always thinking about what I say before I say it. Isn't that what we were taught to do? Funny if you think about it for a while. Once you are so used to doing that, it's even harder to stop. What's even harder for me is that I'll have something pop in my head, but if I wait too long to say it, I'll talk myself right out of even opening my mouth to say it at all. Which sometimes that could be a good thing, but not if it's the Holy Ghost.

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I don't know how clear my understanding of everything God is showing me is. It's like looking through a fog. The more questions that are answered, the more questions I have and the clearer the fog gets. My prayer is that by sharing with you my understanding, is that God will give you a clearer understanding of whatever questions you might have.


Blogger Angel said...

Thanks for posting on my blog and giving me a little encouragement. I was wondering how you found it?

I enjoyed your post today. I am a couple years older than you, but I have strong opinions about what my children do. And I don't mind one iota to tick them off. Door slamming is solved by removing doors!

Thanks again.

Monday, October 31, 2005 6:31:00 AM  

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